It’s Ok to Have a Hard Day and What You Can Do to Come Out Of It

It’s ok to have a hard day and what you can do to come out of it

Everyone has bad days. There isn’t a person alive that doesn’t experience a time when they don’t get their way or something doesn’t go as planned. It’s ok to have a hard day. It’s part of the human experience. Here’s how to avoid sharing the load, what you can do to come out of it.

Years ago, I was interviewed to work at a group home for adults with developmental disabilities. One of the questions still sticks in my mind to this day: “Why might a person with disabilities be having a bad day?” 

I threw out a few possibilities: “Maybe they might be frustrated with something someone said or did to them. Maybe they’re not feeling well.” I paused and matter-of-factly said, “It could be any reason. Sometimes I have bad days and I don’t know why.”

Some days it’s easy to see why. It might be that time of the month and I feel crampy and miserable. I might be ruminating because of an incident like a fight with someone I care about. It might be just “one of those days” when nothing seems to go as planned. The dog keeps barking. The kids keep fighting. They keep touching me. And over and over and over again until I just can’t take it anymore and the mom bomb goes off. 

Often these days happen this way without thought or plan. They sneak into my routine and throw it off. Sometimes I think it is because I am not able to release conflict very easily. I hold on. I analyze. I ruminate. Other times I cling to being the victim, replaying the words or scenario in my mind. 

Ultimately, I am not punishing anyone but myself. Fantasizing about the problem over and over or what I might say or do to retaliate stays in my mind. Others have no idea what is going on and are likely just as obsessed with their feelings as I am with mine. 

Letting myself become the victim allows me to unleash the blame.  It’s not my fault. I no longer hold responsibility for my circumstances and my actions. I might even give into chocolate or wine cravings because I had a bad day and I earned it. But the more I spiral into my self-pity party and reward my sorry attitude, the slower I am to move past it. It takes some time to realize how I got there, but I usually see at some point that my sinking ship has everyone else on it.  Mommy’s miserable day becomes everyone’s miserable day and they did not deserve that. 

Time to Turn that Bad Day Around
It’s around the time that I see the casualties and debris of my emotional storm that I choose to turn it around. When possible (I’m aware and think of it) I begin with apologizing. 

“I’m sorry for being grumpy and taking it out on you.” 

“I’m sorry I yelled. I shouldn’t have done that.”  

It might not come so early or quickly, but as soon as I find my fault and know that I have created some damage, it is my responsibility to correct it. Saying sorry doesn’t fix it, but it’s a good start. 

Gotta Create Space to Make Your Day Better

The other thing I do is decrease my obligations to create space for myself. When a child comes and asks me for a snack for the eleventh time that day, and I can’t even make a quick decision about that, I will say “Mama isn’t having a good day.  I’m trying to choose a good attitude, but I need you to go ask Daddy.” The phone might be ringing, and instead of entertaining that person’s reasons for calling, I will decline and send a text back with: “I can’t talk now. I’ll call you later.” If I’m expected to attend an event, and I’m so frazzled that I really don’t think I should drive, I will reschedule.

By cutting down on my to-do list, I am allowing myself some breathing room. When I give myself permission to have a bad day, I should also give myself permission to release others from it and not take my emotions out on them. By delegating my kids off to my husband, I not only spare them from the mom bomb, but I also create some breathing room and time for me to figure out what I need. By declining calls, I am choosing to make myself a priority instead of taking on other’s needs (something I often do).  By sending my regrets for an event and choosing safety, I am giving myself emotional safety as well.  I’m showing myself that I am deserving of my time. I am deserving of taking care of myself and making myself a priority. 

I know you have bad days too. So when you come to the point of creating space to turn it around, what helps turn your thoughts from ruminating to restoration? For me, it helps to validate that I’m not perfect. I remind myself of positive truths in the form of affirmations such as: 

• One bad day does not make me a bad person. It makes me human. 

• I will hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection.

• I can take a break. Rest is productive.

• I am not meant to hold onto these burdens. I can give them to Jesus.

I recite them in my head or write them out in my journal. If I’m really frazzled, I’ll find a guided meditation and listen to the affirmations. I choose statements that I believe to be true. These words ground me. 

Perhaps you have found yourself in a similar situation. It’s not too late to find a way to manage your circumstance and relieve the tension.

How do you typically manage yourself and your family when you’re in a high emotional state?

How can you give yourself some grace to have a bad day?