How I Stepped Back from Serving the Church and How it Restored my Home Life

I grew up in one of those beautiful church communities.  The ones that loved each other so hard, supported in darkness and celebrated in big ways. We had a delightful lady who had taught Sunday School for so long she had taught my mom and her siblings as well as me and my siblings. I know leaders and pastors who have been in ministry serving generations.  It was inspiring to see these people serve with passion for so long that I made a decision to serve as they did.  I wanted to make an impact and wear that badge of honor (so to speak) that my mentors had.

Starting as a youth,  I took on leadership roles. I trained in ministry, went on mission trips, and practically lived at the church. When I was 18, I helped our Deaconess run youth group, and later, I was hired multiple times by churches to direct family and youth ministries. Throughout my young adult years, I organized retreats and events and ran fundraisers.  I advocated for the kids' needs and voices to the elders. I took youth kids out for ice cream and beach trips. I listened to broken hearts when they had their first breakups or tenth, or when their parents separated.I got on the roller coasters with them, both literally and figuratively. 

God did amazing things for me in those seasons. It was a joy and it was easy for a long time. Teenagers are my passion and I adore them. 

Fast forward to my early thirties: I had 2 small children, and our new church had let me go after my mat leave.  The series of events that lead up to and after my firing was devastating, to say the least. 

As a result, we went through the process of finding a new church home. This new church was not perfect(none of them are) but they were happy to have us, and people I came to genuinely consider as my family.

I was offered a job teaching confirmation. As a youth leader, I connected with kids in almost no time, taking them to a retreat and planning events. And then the pandemic hit and effed everything up.  

I completed my contract 2 months into Covid, but I kept going because I felt that I had a responsibility to these kids.  No one asked me. I just did it. After all, I committed to serving for 20-40 years, right?  

Meanwhile, my family was dealing with lost work and income, loss of community, Covid confinement, landlord harassment, a home purchase, moving and homeschooling.  Crap.  That was a hard year. 


Somewhere between the trauma of being fired, and the extensive emotional and mental draining of the pandemic, even the most minor things elevated my anxiety. I started getting annoyed when someone called to ask a question. I would ignore emails.  I felt irritable over something I had once lept at the chance to take on. The tension was building.  I was overloaded, and it was showing in my home life. Something had to change. 

I started to reassess my priorities. 

I usually look at my calendar as a measurement of how I spend my time. This time I measured how I was spending my energy. The things that took the most out of me were my kids, my home, and the part-time online job that I still had.  Let alone any time I could steal for myself for my health and sanity. 

Another thing that took my energy loomed over me, and I was dreading it: The church.  

Shouldn’t I serve the Lord and my community with joy?  Shouldn’t I be happy to give my time?  

The reality was I was giving to them what I should have been giving to my children.  My priority, my number one calling in life, is to be a wife and mother. By sharing my time and doing it with obligation, I served with half a heart on both ends.

So I decided to step back from serving outside of my home. 

I started by replying to passionate members who had been emailing (forwarding emails) that they thought I should see. I had a call with our head elder and communicated my discontinuation of youth service. I declined workshops and webinars. I started devotions with my children again and talked about our faith throughout our day rather than just meals and bedtimes. It led to some great discussions about dinosaurs and estimating how old God is.

While it feels like a relief, it also feels like the end of an era. So often, I battle with guilt, thinking I have given up or let someone down. The most freeing thought through this process was that I was allowed to change. I am allowed to outgrow what I once thought was meant for me. It doesn't mean that it's a permanent change. When the time is right, and I have the capacity, I will be involved again.  

If something in your life feels overwhelming or you feel like you are only giving half-heartedly, it’s time to release a burden.

Reflection: Is there a commitment in your life that you use to love, but its season is over? Is there a commitment in your life that use to energize you but now drains you?